well since im getting complaints (from the person who updates once a month), i'll update this thing...um, so the yellow room was terrible so now its pink. i know, PINK, but its pretty and really light, i like it. my room is so relaxing cause its pretty and clean and organized, i love it. um, things with adam have been rough to say the least but were getting through it loving eachother even more so thats a plus. my brother gets married in like 2 weeks and im in the wedding so making plans for that has been insane and it makes me want to have a small, simple wedding even more. but im excited to get all pampered and dressed up, it should be fun. um...finishing up the job that i hate more than anything. getting ready to go away on the 15th, i can not believe how close that is! its crazy. i used to feel like it couldnt come soon enough, and im excited but not THAT excited anymore haha. well thats about all im gonna read till i fall asleep or adam calls, whichever comes first. goodnight ya'll...

~*great love changes your life*~

well i was really really tired and already asleep, then somethin happened with adam and now im upset and really really awake, so i guess i'll update...

my brother is getting married in a month...thats exciting and weird haha...but it'll be cool, im in the wedding so its fun to get ready and to really be a part of it, ok thats about all with that...

school time feels like its here already...im excited and nervous, scared to go and scared to leave. im ready for a change i have been for a while but there are a few things that im scared of changing and testing. i know im doing the right thing and bc of that i know everything will turn out right in the end its just that initial big leap thats the hardest to take, and thats where im at. i know i have to and i know part of me wants to but im scared to death, i feel like no one understands and its impossible to explain, but its how i feel and i understand (sometimes) haha...

ummm things with adam have been shaky to say the least. ive just been a mess lately so i feel like a lot of it is my fault, and i know there are some things i need to change (like my attitude for instance) but changes are hard to make, even if their for my good (and the good of my relationship). i just feel crazy lately and totally unlike myself. the stupidest things make me snap and im so emotional. i guess my nerves are just fried, i just dont understand why i fell in love at a time when i feel like i dont have time to be in love!? but i dont wanna let him go and i wanna make this work so bad but i jus feel like nothing i do helps, i dunno, maybe im not trying hard enough, maybe im just not cut out for all this stuff, i dont know...

um...im moving into the little room and redecorating. im sooo excited. painting and decorating stuff is such a great way to relieve stress for me so even though cleaning and going through things has een tedious, its been nice to get my mind off everything and focus on one thing at a time, so im looking foward to moving ahead and getting everything done, i dont know what im gonna dowith myself once everythings done and i have a room to sit in and think again (go crazy prolly) but ill deal with that when it gets here. ok well i have nothing left to write and im sure ive bored you to death already so ill go read a book or something till morning when i can get up and do something productive (yes that means i dont sleep, i never or hardly ever do when stuff is wrong with me and ad, yes i know im retarded and no i cant help it)...night...